A Redneck's Guide to Internet Basics

The following blog entry is rife with stereotypes. It does not reflect the views or opinions of the staff or management of Name.com, with the exception of Owen, who was raised shooting things from a trailer window, and can be blasted (figuratively!) on Twitter @owenborseth.

As I was sitting here listening to some Hank Williams III and his father, it came to my attention that Name.com's lack of a sponsored Nascar race car has kept a rather lucrative demographic from knowing we exist. Now, I'm not too certain that same demographic knows much about the Internet beyond looking up the most recent bass tournament rankings and Boone and Crockett whitetail records, but I do know they spend small fortunes on spinnerbaits and reloading equipment, so why not domain names and web hosting? I jest of course, I'm of the opinion that it takes far more skill to operate a chainsaw or drive a dump truck without killing yourself than it does sitting at a computer all day long typing on a keyboard. I also realize that wading through the wilds of the Internet can quite often be just as daunting as wading across the proverbial swollen creek in search of that fatty rainbow that is sure to be lurking beneath the sunken log on the other side. So if you've ever eaten something you've killed yourself, smacked your 2nd cousin on the badonkadonk, or voted for a politician that promised you would never lose your gun but failed to mentioned you'd be losing your job, this article is for you.

Now, some may question my redneck credentials so let me just lay those out before Donald Trump demands them:

• Born and raised in Lewis County Washington, the only county west of the Cascades to vote John McCain over Barrack Obama.
• Raised part of my life in a glorious double wide trailer on a gravel road.
• Live another part of my life in a not so glorious single wide trailer on a different gravel road.
• Learned how to drive a dump truck before I learned how to program.
• Killed my first deer when I was 12, my second when I was 13, my third when I was 14... Ate them.
• Quit a job once so that I could drive to Alaska and go fishing.
• Owned three cars when I was 16, two of which didn't run and sat on blocks in our backyard.
• Was a dues paying member of the NRA by the time I was 14.
• Dropped out of community college, twice.
• Smokey and the Bandit was my favorite movie for quite some time.
• I could go on but at the risk of completely destroying my image, I'll stop there.

To be fair, I'm now a flaming liberal city slicker that likes to eat--and sometimes even make--sushi. However, I do believe my past experiences give me the ability to communicate at the level required to teach what needs to be taught in this article. So now, let's kick this mule and get things started.

Internet

If you are reading this website and do not know what the Internet is, please stop what you are doing and go back to school, read a book, or ask a friend not driving a truck with a gun rack and a CB radio.

Website

If you don't know what this one is you've been living either under a rock or far far away

from any known form of civilization. It's also possible that your friends and family have been unable to pull you away from your Outdoor Life magazines long enough to expose you to the modern world. Pro Tip: a website is what you're viewing right now. If you own a website, it's your castle and you would be well within your rights to exercise the second amendment and on any would be trespassers.

Domain Name

A domain name is what pretty much every website uses so that you know how to get to it easily. Name.com, Google.com, and Cabelas.com are all examples of domain names. Think of it like this, saying, "Baby, I'm goin' on down to the Conoco to pick up a pack of chew," is basically the same thing as saying, "Hey sis, I'm gonna go to BassPro.com and buy me some ammo for my twelve gauge."

ICANN

ICANN is basically the government for the Internet. If ICANN had an elected president, you would likely vote for the one that would least look out for your interests, believed in the Easter bunny, and promised you moon bases where you could go and be free from those pesky parade types.

DNS

Now things are getting tricky. DNS stands for Domain Name System. It's what takes a domain name (such as Name.com or Gunshotwound.com) and maps it to what is called an IP address. An IP address is an ugly number behind the scenes where a website actually lives. Think about your CB radio for a moment, the frequency is like the IP address and the channel is like the domain name and somewhere inside there is something invisible, magical, and all powerful that takes one to the other.

Well that is all for this installment of A Redneck's Guide to Internet Basics. I hope you will join us next time when we delve into SEO and how it's not at all like muddin' with your 42s but is very similar to trying to bugle in an elk.

Yeehaw!