There are codes, there are bro codes, and then there are Name.com dev bro codes. Yes, here at Name.com we developers adhere to a rather strict code of broism. Now, there are many bro codes we live by but for brevity’s sake we will keep this post limited to the first ten, and arguably most important, elements of the entire dev bro codex. So let’s dive right in shall we?
- Leave no bro behind when beer is on the line: when a bro goes to lunch and beer may be involved all other members of the dev team must be alerted at once. This rule also applies to tacos, steak and all baked goods. This rule used to apply to the watching of any movie staring Burt Reynolds, Patrick Swayze (RIP), Elisabeth Shue, or Molly Ringwald but those requirements were sadly removed from the codex back in 2009.
- When in doubt hug it out: never let the little things build up to be big things. Don’t like the way one bro indents code? Don’t like the way another bro names variables? Hug it out! He probably hates your indentations and variable names equally as much. Hugs should be as terse and manly as possible. Quick gentle pats on the back are optional but under no circumstances should the back be rubbed while in the embrace of another bro. Crying is not allowed while hugging it out, ever.
- Nickleback intervention: never under any circumstances allow another bro to divulge in the cardinal sin of pumping the toxic musical waste known as Nickleback into their precious ears. A bro shall never Rick Roll another bro via the use of a Nickleback video, song, montage, cover song, or any other medium that portrays Nickleback in any manner whatsoever. If another bro is for some reason unintentionally “Nicklebombed” the proper method of reversing the effects is to quickly fill the room with the gentle beats of Neil Diamond’s legendary hit Sweet Caroline.
- Bros before Lowes: if one bro wants to partake in a trip to Lowes and another does not, the bro that wishes to go to Lowes must alter his plans in favor of the other bro’s plans. Also, Lowes is a euphemism.
- Nothing less than awesome: if one bro is being lame and stoops below the allowed threshold of awesomeness all other bros must immediately spring into action and bring the fallen bro back up to an appropriate level of awesome. Examples of stooping below awesome may include, but are not limited to: speaking poorly of tacos, speaking poorly of beer, pretending white space delimited programming languages make any sense whatsoever, expressing your displeasure in another bros coding style in front of other bros, etc.
- The IE exception and rules pertaining to: no bro should ever have to be the one bro that constantly tests how projects function in the devil’s web browser known as Internet Explorer. Any bro that has recently been thrown free from the clutches of the Windows box is to be promptly manssaged by all other bros, fed ample amounts of booze, and allowed plenty of time to recover from the horrors he must have seen. While in the throws of using IE all other bro codes are null and void, including the rules on crying, and the bro may behave in any way that allows him to get through this truly agonizing ordeal.
- A bro may cry: a bro may cry under a very strict set of circumstances and only under very particular lighting conditions. When a bro does cry he should shed a single solitary tear, do so while standing as statuesque as possible, and display no emotion other than that of stern confidence while looking up at nothing in particular, yet also everything, at the exact same time. When in the company of a crying bro, other bros should under no circumstances attempt to wipe the tear away in an endearing manner. One should simply look away after giving a manly nod of approval. If more than one tear must be shed, it must be done while assuming the fetal position.
- A bro may stache free from ridicule: at any time and for any length of time a fellow bro may grow a mustache and do so with the freedom and respect that such a time honored tradition deserves. At no time shall any bro put down, make fun of, joke about, or criticize another bro’s mustache, regardless of shape, size, robustness or lack thereof. However, the bro growing the mustache shall at no time start to emit an air of arrogance and authority because of his completely awesome mustache. The mustached bro should never attempt to impersonate a police officer unless said impersonation is done while acting out scenes from the critically acclaimed film Super Troopers. Crying is never allowed while sporting a mustache.
- An offensive aroma free environment: all bros should be able to work in a comfortable climate controlled environment free from olfactory offensive aromas. At no time while walking to and from the dev department shall a bro flatuate, “crop dust”, or otherwise dirty the air with their internal bodily vapors.
- Donning of The Sombrero: we would love to say that none of us ever partake in the frowned upon activity of making changes in the production environment. However, sometimes drastic situations call for drastic measures. When a bro must code in production he must don The Sombrero so that all other bros are aware of the delicate activity he is engaged in. If a bro fails to check in the code modifications made while in production, he is to be promptly beaten with the same sombrero he had previously donned. The Donning of The Sombrero for production coding purposes should not be confused with the tequila ind
uced dance of the same name.
There you have it, a tiny peek into the rules that regulate the daily lives of Name.com developers. Have any codes of your own you would like to share? Any codes that you think we should canonicalize into the codex? If so, let us know! Until next time, be forever awesome and may a magical unicorn look over and protect you.