One man’s dialogue with himself as he meets the Corporate office: Part 1 of 2

We spent part of last week visiting our new corporate headquarters in Santa Monica. Name.com is still in Denver, and that’s good, except that the distance between us and our new owners leads to doubt, mistrust and the rumor that they have tails. So off on a journey went Ashley “Forker” Forker and myself, spending two days with anyone who had the time to give us insight into the success of Demand Media. We met with people from each of several Demand’ properties, including Cracked.com, eHow and others who seemed to straddle multiple threads of conglomerate’s growing web. I had three goals:

1. Meet and learn more about these people.

2. Find out how to more effectively get the word out about name.com.

3. Impress them with wit and wonderment.

10:30am April 11. Snippets from Meeting with Jack and Mandy from Cracked Team

Mandy: “So what is it you hope to do?”

Internal Jared: Oh jeez, that question. We hope to be rich and awesome, but that’s stupid to say. Think of something that doesn’t sound douchey and too domainy. Forker, say something. Oh good, she’s talking. Ok, well said.

Jack: “There’s really not a difference between a ‘viral’ and an ‘informative’ video. There’s just ‘viral’ which informs.”

Internal Jared: Man that was smart. Is this guy a genius? He seems like it…kind of drifting in and out but always arriving with a great comment. How old is he? He must be paid really well. And look at that hair. There must be something wrong. Maybe he’s not funny…Oh, wow, that was funny.

2pm, Thursday, April 11:  Mandy from Cracked on Social Marketing

Mandy: We have over two million fans on Facebook.

Internal Jared: Oh sweet crap. We have 24,000.

Mandy: For us on Facebook pictures have worked better than video.

Internal Jared: I do video. Is it getting hot in here?

Thursday, April 11, 3:30pm Adam and Kristie and Candace of SEO team

Internal Jared: Oh, wow, these three people are pretty. I bet they have Hollywood friends.

Adam and Kristie and Candace of SEO team: Your SEO is pretty good and we really liked the social media.

Internal Jared: I’m going to make love to all of you.

Friday, April 12, 10:30am Brian from the International team

Internal Jared: This guy is really nice. EVERYONE is really nice. I guess I won’t be punk’ing them with a funny video. Besides, the Cracked team would be like, “yah, we tried that last week and it only got 30000000000,0000,994 views so we’re going in a different direction.”

Brian: Use minimal text and pleasant but not slutty females as your Facebook ad image. Keep it simple but maybe put a number in it. People react more when there’s a number.

External Jared: 12!

Internal Jared: I think 12 is funny.

11am, Friday, April 12: Mike on retargeting opportunities

Internal Jared: This guy is the smartest guy yet. They joke they don’t let him leave the building. No wonder. He’s like the hot wife of network monetization.

Mike: Here’s exactly how you make money on the Internet: REDACTED.

Internal Jared: That was brilliant. And look at all that hair. There must be something wrong with him. You should say something funny; remind this smart guy of your own special skill.

External Jared: I THINK YOU’RE BRILLIANT!

Internal Jared: Ok, not funny, really, and more scary.

Friday, April 12 at 1pm: Another Mike and a lady named Remi about YouTube

Mike and Remi: Annotate those videos with links and calls to action…

Internal Jared: These are all really good ideas.

External Jared: Yah, we’ve been meaning to do all of this.

Friday, April 12 at 2:30pm Cody from Cracked on YouTube

Internal Jared: IS EVERYBODY FREAKIN’ BRILLIANT, NICE AND FUNNY AROUND HERE?

Cody: Put on your YouTube channel a banner with what people can expect and when. And make your channel header video about name.com and what people can expect from your YT channel. And make your thumbnails better.

Internal Jared: Better thumbnails. I’m always getting sucked in by the cleavage thumbnails.

Cody: Keep doing what you’re doing, but do it consistently; let people know when and what to expect and don’t go crazy on production when you don’t have to.

Internal Jared: …cleavage thumbnails.

External Ashley: So I’m hoping the second part will actually be useful.

External Jared: Yes.